Today, let’s look at people who are left absolutely cold (or inflamed with hatred) by the most brilliant TV series of the last 5 years. Unashamedly inspired by the excellent You Can’t Please Everyone series at Cynical-C, which quoted 1 star reviews from Amazon for classic films, books and albums, we will be quoting negative reviews from IMDB for the best recent TV series. Let’s start off with the 2004-2009 remake of Battlestar Galactica:

This is the TV series equivalent of a chick flick. A constant succession of Major Drama Queen Moments. Chock full of soap opera-y stuff that women seem to like for whatever reason they do, but completely bore the crap out of me.

This series is a stinky turd sitting in the bottom of the SciFi Channel commode and no matter how many people call it a rose, it STILL STINKS LIKE A TURD.

Did want to be too sci-fi-ish? Did they watch the original show, it was a science fiction. It’s suppose to be a science fiction! Now let’s talk about the bullets. Lasers are sci-fi anymore, they actually exist! Plus, it’s not sci-fi about laser battles in space, it’s science fact that a bullet would not work in a area of non-gravity, like SPACE! So, having a space battle with bullets makes no sense what so ever. If you got hooked on this crapper then stop watching it. Go cold turkey and realize that the show is a turkey. I give it…THE NOOSE!

The acting is poor and story lines bland and looks something Canada chucked out.

Ludicrously similar to the (usually) teen-aged modern “role playing game” fans who constantly talked of the lack of “darkness” in some game they were involved in a decade past, but themselves had so little experience of “DAHKNESSSSSSS” that they’d have shrieked and run not only from anything remotely like one of the creepy crawlies (usually human appearing, but horrific in some psychological or spiritual way) they wanted featured and emphasized into the ground but also shielded and run or simply self-destructed from any realistic darkness that had presented itself into their unthinking little lives.

The characters are poorly written. Also, they managed to transform Sturbuck, the hero of my childhood, into a female character

All BSG has is third-rate actors with dreadful hairdos

I don’t want our youth (and adults) to think that if they acted “angry” and “troubled” people around them will see them as serious, and important person, but this program is filled with this kind of innuendos.

People in suits and ties aboard a spaceship?

I’m trying not to bash my head against the wall through every scene of BSG. But I’ve failed.

Older reviews tell fans of the old show to “have an open mind” even though the new BG is pretty much a slap in the face to the fans of the Classic BG. (note to SciFi – re-making an old show is only a good idea if you DON’T slap the fans in the face).

What a hulking, pretentious, brooding load of festering felgercarb! I went through all of the stages of dying before the third season ended, lingering a little longer at “anger” and “denial” than I think I will when the time actually does come.

The main story line moves way too slowly, and there are only just so many times that Starbuck can get drunk and beat up Col. Tigh in order to distract from the fact that nothing much has changed in the story line.

I still can’t believe they managed to cram 48000 people, a cat and a dog into that tiny fleet.

Shakystar Crapotica is a better title for this show as it describes its nature in a much better way than the original title.

I will continue to watch GB, but that is mainly because there are no alternatives out there.

So the show won awards… Big Woop…. How is that related to quality in the slightest? After all, we live in a world where The Office won an Emmy

In BSG whenever there’s a discussion between Adama and Madame President they drink, when the pilots are not in their vipers they play cards and drink, when the hangar-crew and the chief don’t repair vipers they drink (they don’t even have real glasses). It makes me feel like a bunch of alcoholics is trying to save the rest of mankind.

How on earth there is so little actual sex in the close confines of a fleet of space ships under the emancipating trauma of near-collective death and the euphoria of (temporary) survival is something I found difficult to process