Breaking Bad. Any questions? Well, these people have a few statements to express:

I refuse to believe Mad Men is any good. People tricked me into checking Breaking Bad. Fool me once…

Well, that’s the only one I found. I came upon it on some obscure messageboard. Well, there’s this joke comment from someone who hasn’t seen Breaking Bad in response to someone who said it was awesome:

You are so wrong on this matter even my gerbil is laughing. Laughing hard. With you. At you. Just saying. You’re wrong. Breaking Bad sucks. It sucks so hard, hell, if your momma would hold a copy of Breaking Bad between her teeth it would not only suck her brains right out of her skull, but it would at the same time create a vacuum in her uterus that would suck your skinny white arse right the fuck back into her womb, which is where you belong anyway. So yeah. Suck on that, mister I-know-it-all-better-than-you-anyway. Punk.

So I could move on to find criticisms of great shows such as House or Curb Your Enthusiasm or True Blood or Reaper or Life. But instead I feel like twisting your world upside down and quoting from 5/5 and 10/10 star reviews for the most dismally awful TV series in recent history. Of course I’ll start with Big Brother. I personally haven’t watched Big Brother, so I cannot form an honest opinion of it, but still I’m as proud of never having seen it as I’m proud of not tossing a used condom onto a playground. Without further ado:

This is just the best reality show that there has ever been. Every show they put in a bunch of people and we watch them 24-7.

Sounds appetising. Though it’s like saying Rockstar is the best Nickelback song that there has ever been, and the concept sounds as exciting as playing tug-of-war against a dead crow.

u really have to treat the show for what it is, because it certainly isn’t intellectual viewing anymore

Unlike earlier seasons of Big Brother, which no doubt contained compelling social commentary and mind-blowing debates on game theory and neuroscience.

BB6 had some okay people including Science, Roberto, Derek, Makosi, Eugene and winner Anthony. BB7 had some fantastic people including Grace, Lea, Nikki, Aisleyne Glyn and winner Pete. I would have loved to have seen Craig Phillips, Nasty Nick Bateman, Brian Dowling, Jade Goody (who returned in Celebrity Big Brother 2007 with Mum Jackiey and boyfriend Jack), Kate Lawler, Alex Sibley and Jon Tickle.

An enticing bucket of random names.

the best season was in 2004 the HMs selection was perfect and BB got evil and Nada won on a very emotional final night. that series had everything fun fun fun LOL moments, funny HMs, great twists, huge fights(FIGHT NIGHT ANYONE). great group and friendship developments.

I wish my gravestone to read “His life had everything fun fun fun LOL moments, great twists, huge fights (FIGHT NIGHT ANYONE?), great group and friendship developments”. Perfect.

BB3 was the best cast ever assembled for a TV show.

Casting directors everywhere commit harakiri.

If you’re going for historical value, Season 2 had arguably one of the best BB players ever.

Historically speaking.

Just think: you can watch this season whenever you want for the rest of your life. You’ve got to buy it.

Just imagining it makes me incontinent with joy.

The people are real, what’s happening is real… After all, it’s reality TV.

Are you for real? I don’t know if I can handle that much reality.

It’s fun to see what the producers actually put on the show, as opposed to what really happens in the house.

Oh, that’s alright then.

It can be pretty boring towards the start of the run but after a couple of weeks, once you get used to the contestants and you know a lot more about them, you will find yourself tuning in every night for an update, or even just to see how they’re doing!

It’s called “having children”. On second thought, stick with the telly.

It may be just a bunch of 20 something men and women walking around a house, doing meaningless tasks, looking completely bored and sunbathing but it is not what is physically happening that is intriguing to me, it is what is happening below the surface. By placing a load of people in a house, it gives the viewer an insight into our own meaningless lives and our same boring routine.

Sorry, still not intriguing.

Penny: was the first housemate to be evicted. I thought she was a bit wierd at first, and i didnt like her much. She was good friends with Naz and Brian. Stuart: was the 2nd housemate to be evicted. I have had an e-mail from him. I didnt like him much as he was too competetive (as amma also said) Amma and Stuart had a massive row on Brians birthday. Narinder: “Naz” was very good friends with Brian. She was my second favorute housemate. She had an argument with Helen. Bubble: was the 4th housemate to be evicted. He was also good friends with Brian. He spent most of Saturdays in bed as he usually spends Saturday with his dauhger. Amma: was the 5th housemate to be evicted. I dont really know what to say about her lol! Josh: was the 6th housemate to be evicted. He was also voted into the house by the public. He thought Brian didnt like him. Paul: was the 7th housemate to be evicted, he was up for eviction 4 times. He had a fling with Helen and Penny in the first week. Elizabeth: was the 8th housemate to be evicted, the day before the final. She was good friends with Dean. Dean: was the 9th housemate to be evicted. He was in the final 3. He is engaged to Vanessa. He played the guitar constantly in the house.

I’d swear I’ve been told this same story many times before.

For once, the Dutch are geniuses.

Take that, combined cultural and scientific legacy of the Netherlands. Now you know what you’re -really- valued for.